There's a scene in When Harry Met Sally where Harry and Sally are debating the state of friendships between men and women. Sally says she has tons male friendships which she says are purely platonic. Harry says, "no, they probably all want to sleep with you."

Sally gets all disgusted and is like, "what? Do you want to sleep with all your attractive female friends?" Harry says, "no. I want to sleep with the unattractive ones too."

More or less.

To the defense of the male population, Harry does not speak on behalf of all men. But it's also safe to say that he does reflect a large majority of the biological and innate male brain.

But what about girls?

A truly platonic friendship is when both male and female see each other as nothing more than FRIENDS. Almost to the point of brotherhood/sisterhood. It's so platonic that the thought of sex or any romantic notion should almost be deemed illegal. Yet, you think the world of them and love them like your own blood.

This level of friendship usually takes a while to achieve. I believe all male/female friendships start off with an ambiguity -- there's often a probation period to feel out where the friendship stands. Of course, this ambivalence becomes clear if one person isn't single or is gay. That helps loads! But once this alleged hurdle is crossed, there are endless possibilities in terms of what kinds of platonic friendships can form. Hurrah for the friend zone!

But what about the friendships that aren't 100% platonic but are on the cusp of friendliness & flirting? Some friendships never ever quite make it to the friend zone, whether it be a.) the level of innuendo constantly maintained or b.) the tension and/or attraction that's never quite dissipated or c.) one or more person is always horny and has sex on the brain 24/7.

"It's only weird if you make it weird"

Could there ever be a platonic friendship between two people who are more than friends? Friends with benefits? Friends who sleep together? Who's a better person to engage in hot, sweaty sex with than someone you already know and love so much? Although this does sound like the start to a bad romantic comedy: boy meets girl, boy and girl become friends, boy and girl casually sleep together with no strings attached, some sort of conflict arises and hilarity ensues.

Alas, this isn't a chick flick but real life. The ending will most likely be: a.) end of friendship or b.) nothing being able to remain the same or c.) all of the above.

So to reiterate the original When Harry Met Sally question - can men and women ever be JUST friends? Definitely. But there are also certain men and women, when paired together, who could never be only friends.

You’ve seen it all before – the girl with the ticking biological clock, the girl dreaming of the fairy tale wedding and waiting for her prince to come, the girl who is instantaneously attached after sex, and on and on.

You remember that scene in Wedding Crashers at the wedding where Isla Fisher goes crazy and won’t let go of Vince Vaughan? He has that look of panic in his eye and says, “uh oh. Stage 5 clinger!!”

 

That’s the girl I’m talking about – the one with the crazy eye. The girl who’s so desperate for the guy to call, so eager to be in love, so reeking of desperation that it hurts to witness even as an innocent bystander. 

But what about the dudes who are carbon copies of the crazy ladies?

Too often than not, girls are the ones pigeonholed as scary and clingy. Maybe it’s better for story-telling? But there are dudes that are equally (if not more) as smothering. It just sucks that those stories don’t see the light of day! 

Yes, I’m aware that we live in a double standard world and girls can’t get away with the same things guys can. If I texted/called a guy every day while he was on vacation, asking him how it was and when he’d be back, I’d be labeled a psychopath (and arguably so). Yet if a dude does that to me, what do people around me say?

You like douchebags, em. When you finally find a nice guy, you can’t appreciate it and you’re too into the game of chase.

Obviously, I beg to differ. I love nice guys. I can write many, many blogs about how great nice guys are and how shameful it is that they often don’t stay that way. There’s usually a girl that comes along and either breaks them or uses them or wrongs them. And then they learn and morph into douchebags. So sad!

So to my defense, I love nice people. But there’s a humongous world of difference between NICE and CLINGY. There’s a soft, romantic side of me that’s still alive, yet dormant. I hope to always believe in love, but I’m also aware that it takes more than three dates to know someone. I don’t believe in any of that “you complete me” BS via Jerry Maguire. I don’t want someone who’s looking for puzzles to stick into their otherwise incomplete life. I don’t want someone who can’t hold their own, who has to call me at every hour of the day to check up on where I’m at and see how I’m doing. It’s flattering to be the object of someone’s affection, but only when they genuinely know you for you and not because they just want a girl to shower attention upon. 

What’s more puzzling is that if there’s anything that I am, it’s being a straight shooter. Subtlety is NOT my strong point! So if I’m avoiding you, it’s blatantly clear. If someone of the male gender is a Stage 5 clinger and cannot get the obvious point, it makes me wonder a couple things. The first being that, this method of getting girls has worked in the past! Especially if the guy is not young or inexperienced. I mean, if you’re 20 years old, I’ll just chalk it up to a learning experience. God knows the retarded things I used to say/do at that age. So obviously, there was positive reinforcement that has the man thinking it’s effective to smother a stranger with endless affection. 

This leads me back to my original wonderment: do clingy girls get the bad rap because we simply never hear about clingy guys? If a guy is instantly clingy, he's considered "sweet" and warmly embraced by clingy girls. So it's almost as if clingy guys are like part of an underground society that we just don't hear about because there's plenty of desperate girls to go around!

More often than not, a genuinely “nice guy” is hard to find, especially one who is dateable, normal, and has not yet morphed into a douchebag. I also hope they find “nice girls” who love to eat un-earned attention up with a spoon, the need to wear the pants, and enjoy grand acts of romantic gestures. 

I enjoy the latter too, but only when it’s reserved for somebody who feels the same way and not just some joe blow. When you’ve only known me for less than a month, you should pretty much chalk me up to a girl joe blow. 

Then again, what the heck do I know? Am I even making sense? I've been single for more years than I can count on a hand. From the sounds of this entry, I'm probably the crazy one out here alone!