Love, life .. and everything in between

Friday, 10 July 2009

  • A truly platonic friendship

    There's a scene in When Harry Met Sally where Harry and Sally are debating the state of friendships between men and women. Sally says she has tons male friendships which she says are purely platonic. Harry says, "no, they probably all want to sleep with you."

    Sally gets all disgusted and is like, "what? Do you want to sleep with all your attractive female friends?" Harry says, "no. I want to sleep with the unattractive ones too."

    More or less.

    To the defense of the male population, Harry does not speak on behalf of all men. But it's also safe to say that he does reflect a large majority of the biological and innate male brain.

    But what about girls?

    A truly platonic friendship is when both male and female see each other as nothing more than FRIENDS. Almost to the point of brotherhood/sisterhood. It's so platonic that the thought of sex or any romantic notion should almost be deemed illegal. Yet, you think the world of them and love them like your own blood.

    This level of friendship usually takes a while to achieve. I believe all male/female friendships start off with an ambiguity -- there's often a probation period to feel out where the friendship stands. Of course, this ambivalence becomes clear if one person isn't single or is gay. That helps loads! But once this alleged hurdle is crossed, there are endless possibilities in terms of what kinds of platonic friendships can form. Hurrah for the friend zone!

    But what about the friendships that aren't 100% platonic but are on the cusp of friendliness & flirting? Some friendships never ever quite make it to the friend zone, whether it be a.) the level of innuendo constantly maintained or b.) the tension and/or attraction that's never quite dissipated or c.) one or more person is always horny and has sex on the brain 24/7.

    "It's only weird if you make it weird"

    Could there ever be a platonic friendship between two people who are more than friends? Friends with benefits? Friends who sleep together? Who's a better person to engage in hot, sweaty sex with than someone you already know and love so much? Although this does sound like the start to a bad romantic comedy: boy meets girl, boy and girl become friends, boy and girl casually sleep together with no strings attached, some sort of conflict arises and hilarity ensues.

    Alas, this isn't a chick flick but real life. The ending will most likely be: a.) end of friendship or b.) nothing being able to remain the same or c.) all of the above.

    So to reiterate the original When Harry Met Sally question - can men and women ever be JUST friends? Definitely. But there are also certain men and women, when paired together, who could never be only friends.

Tuesday, 07 July 2009

  • California, the south part this time

      balboa island. look closely at the windows. major creepy!


    grand central market. the biggest burrito i've seen in life!
     

    aladdin show at disney.


    nicol & lisa. awesome hosts!


    ecuador united! some bar at dana point.


    friend's friends.


    can u guess which country we're in?


    my host takes a break from 80's karaoke.


    san diego public transit. old town san diego.


    san diego zoo.


    outside michael jackson's house.


    makeup courtesy of me. asian skin and caucasian deep-set eyes = best of both worlds

Sunday, 05 July 2009

  • Girls just can't do it the same

    You’ve seen it all before – the girl with the ticking biological clock, the girl dreaming of the fairy tale wedding and waiting for her prince to come, the girl who is instantaneously attached after sex, and on and on.

    You remember that scene in Wedding Crashers at the wedding where Isla Fisher goes crazy and won’t let go of Vince Vaughan? He has that look of panic in his eye and says, “uh oh. Stage 5 clinger!!”

     

    That’s the girl I’m talking about – the one with the crazy eye. The girl who’s so desperate for the guy to call, so eager to be in love, so reeking of desperation that it hurts to witness even as an innocent bystander. 

    But what about the dudes who are carbon copies of the crazy ladies?

    Too often than not, girls are the ones pigeonholed as scary and clingy. Maybe it’s better for story-telling? But there are dudes that are equally (if not more) as smothering. It just sucks that those stories don’t see the light of day! 

    Yes, I’m aware that we live in a double standard world and girls can’t get away with the same things guys can. If I texted/called a guy every day while he was on vacation, asking him how it was and when he’d be back, I’d be labeled a psychopath (and arguably so). Yet if a dude does that to me, what do people around me say?

    You like douchebags, em. When you finally find a nice guy, you can’t appreciate it and you’re too into the game of chase.

    Obviously, I beg to differ. I love nice guys. I can write many, many blogs about how great nice guys are and how shameful it is that they often don’t stay that way. There’s usually a girl that comes along and either breaks them or uses them or wrongs them. And then they learn and morph into douchebags. So sad!

    So to my defense, I love nice people. But there’s a humongous world of difference between NICE and CLINGY. There’s a soft, romantic side of me that’s still alive, yet dormant. I hope to always believe in love, but I’m also aware that it takes more than three dates to know someone. I don’t believe in any of that “you complete me” BS via Jerry Maguire. I don’t want someone who’s looking for puzzles to stick into their otherwise incomplete life. I don’t want someone who can’t hold their own, who has to call me at every hour of the day to check up on where I’m at and see how I’m doing. It’s flattering to be the object of someone’s affection, but only when they genuinely know you for you and not because they just want a girl to shower attention upon. 

    What’s more puzzling is that if there’s anything that I am, it’s being a straight shooter. Subtlety is NOT my strong point! So if I’m avoiding you, it’s blatantly clear. If someone of the male gender is a Stage 5 clinger and cannot get the obvious point, it makes me wonder a couple things. The first being that, this method of getting girls has worked in the past! Especially if the guy is not young or inexperienced. I mean, if you’re 20 years old, I’ll just chalk it up to a learning experience. God knows the retarded things I used to say/do at that age. So obviously, there was positive reinforcement that has the man thinking it’s effective to smother a stranger with endless affection. 

    This leads me back to my original wonderment: do clingy girls get the bad rap because we simply never hear about clingy guys? If a guy is instantly clingy, he's considered "sweet" and warmly embraced by clingy girls. So it's almost as if clingy guys are like part of an underground society that we just don't hear about because there's plenty of desperate girls to go around!

    More often than not, a genuinely “nice guy” is hard to find, especially one who is dateable, normal, and has not yet morphed into a douchebag. I also hope they find “nice girls” who love to eat un-earned attention up with a spoon, the need to wear the pants, and enjoy grand acts of romantic gestures. 

    I enjoy the latter too, but only when it’s reserved for somebody who feels the same way and not just some joe blow. When you’ve only known me for less than a month, you should pretty much chalk me up to a girl joe blow. 

    Then again, what the heck do I know? Am I even making sense? I've been single for more years than I can count on a hand. From the sounds of this entry, I'm probably the crazy one out here alone!

Wednesday, 01 July 2009

Wednesday, 03 June 2009

  • I love my girl, but I wanna be f@#$ing you

    Apologies for the crass title, but it got the point across and also the answer to a question I often ponder.

    Why do people in happy and "committed" relationships cheat?

    There's a million reasons for infidelity and I won't pretend to understand them. But if you love the one you're with and want to spend forever with them, then why would you step outside of those vows? Call me naive, call me wide-eyed, but I guess I always underestimate the weight of the physical component. Sometimes, good sex is just good sex; nothing more, nothing less. But doesn't this become obsolete when you're committed to someone else? Call me old-fashioned, but why make vows if you have the mindset of breaking them?

    As equally passionate and disgusted as I am with this topic, the journalist in me is compelled to see the other point of view. Is monogamy overrated? Maybe it's a modern day invention, merely constructed to keep us constricted and not running amuck. If you take a look at history through out all cultures, most men kept multiple wives. Maybe it wasn't ever ideal for these women, but they accepted the status quo. And why not? They're living in what the man provides, and it's reciprocated in tolerance if not acceptance. So really, who am I to criticize what has been prevalent in history? Maybe monogamy is just the current, socially accepted way of life. It's not right or wrong, but simply a concept. Albeit not a very romantic one, but nonetheless.

    Bottom line - loving one person but having sex with others means you're settling no matter how you spin it. Again, call me idealistic, but I would only sign my life away to someone I match with intellectually, mentally, spiritually and definitely, physically. I've never been one to brag about how high my standards are because I'm also realistic. I don't need a lot, but at the same time, I would never settle for anything less.

    Then again, what the heck do I know? Experts on relationships are those IN successful relationships. Ask me again in 5 to 10 years and I just might be taking whatever I can get. Standards? Come again?

Thursday, 21 May 2009

  • I feel ya, Ted Mosby

    I love how I learn my life lessons from How I Met Your Mother. This whole time I thought I was Robin Scherbatsky [i.e loving hockey/Canucks, being Canadian, planning to move/living in New York, being a tv reporter, losing her job, having Visa issues, thought about getting married for a green card, being a hobo and living in South America for a few months]. She is my twin!

    But it's what Ted says that really hits home.

    Ted: This is a disaster. How am I gonna come back from this?
    Lily: OK I'm just gonna ask this - do you wanna come back from this?
    Ted: What's that supposed to mean?
    Lily: Architecture is killing you Ted. And it's killing us to watch it killing you. You're like that goat with the wash cloth, you want it so bad. And every time the world tries to take it away from you, you keep grabbing it. But you know, it's just a wash cloth. Why do you even want it?
    Ted: Because I have to be an [architect]! That's the plan.
    Lily: Screw the plan, I planned on being a famous artist! Look, you can't design your life like a building it doesn't work that way. You just have to live it and it'll design itself.
    Ted: So I should just do nothing?
    Lily:
    No, listen to what the world is telling you ... and take the leap.

Saturday, 16 May 2009

  • Desperate times & desperate measures

    In case you haven't heard, the current economy isn't doing too well these days. What jobs are challenging in these times? Too many to name. If you've been affected, then I feel for ya. Definitely on the same boat here.

    I often wonder where the evolution of journalism will take us in years to come. I also think it's hilarious when people can't comprehend why the media is suffering in so many ways. First of all, traditional journalism has been floundering in the past few years all because of the internet. It's simple - our generation does not follow radio/tv/print like how they used to. Everything is obtained from the internet and when audience numbers decline, so do advertising dollars. Media outlets are scrambling to keep up with the net in order to hold on to viewers. Remember, audience numbers equal money. And news, essentially, is also a ploy to sell. That's why you see a lot more junk on the news that "catches your attention" rather than what's newsworthy. But anyways, I digress.

    Second of all, we're sitting at a shakey time where the global market is being affected. Advertising dollars aren't exactly pouring in like how it used to, coupled with companies closing, budgets slashed, and marketing strategies re-vamped? The future of journalism isn't looking all too bright. I predict an even more enhanced internet world with nothing but  Huffington Posts and Salon.com. It'll be new generations of blogging, twittering, Facebook and more.

    Which can be hella convenient on one hand. Total and utter information overload! I mean, nobody barely knew what google meant only 15 years ago. And these days, it's practically a verb. Any Tom Dick & Harry can be a blogger. And information can be distributed in a matter of mere seconds.

    But I honestly fear that the days of traditional journalism are trailing behind us. Investigative journalism will be but a distant memory. News networks are scraping by as it is, never mind the budget to hire reporters to spend time on a lengthy piece. Woodward and Bernstein didn't expose Watergate overnight. I always grew up with the idealistic notion that journalism is a gatekeeper in funnelling out to the masses what the public is supposed to know.



    But this post is getting long-winded and serious. I initially had an anecdote to tell and it had to do with tough economic times!

    Right. So a friend of mine who's also in the media got laid off from work. I empathize and sympathize because I know that media road all too well. She's filling me in on her immediate plans, which is to get any random job just to pay the bills. So she's been creeping around Craigslist for random work, which is a total hit-and-miss, because with CL it's luck of the draw.

    "So I saw an ad to be someone's assistant and it seemed legitimate," she began. "I called them and this lady picked up. Her name was Alexa, and we agreed to meet at a Starbucks downtown for a brief interview."

    She tells me that she shows up expecting it to be some high-powered executive, or at least somebody with a ton of cash to burn and WANTS a personal assistant. Instead, it was a tiny little Asian girl who was a few years younger than her.

    "A young, little Asian girl named Alexa wants you to be her assistant? Are you sure she's not a hooker or something?" I inquired promptly. In all honesty, I really had no basis for thinking she'd be a hooker. Sometimes I just throw in a hooker jab because it just rolls off my tongue swiftly.

    Alas, that's exactly what she turned out to be. And I guess in some weird, alternate universe? "Assistant" is also code for prostitution. But to Alexa's defense, it sounded like she was running a pretty successful business. You get to pick your own clients, work out of home, charge $480 an HOUR (usually two hours), and live in a pretty dope part of downtown.

    My friend was so sweet. I asked her if she booked it out of there asap, but the trooper in her stuck around and chatted for a bit. Maybe its the reporter in us that's always inquisitive before all else. Heck, if I had coffee with a hooker? I'd be taking notes for future blogs, articles and story ideas. What kinds of questions would you ask a prostitute? I know I'd wanna know how they have relationships, because wouldn't work get in the way? You know, since the career is so messy and all. I know I definitely had trouble with separating career and love in the past. Ah, look at me and the things I have in common with Alexa!

    Apparently Alexa fell for a client while on the job, which is frowned upon I think. Then, I thought again and was like, hey! Didn't this happen on a movie called .. PRETTY WOMAN? Although I guess it makes sense to aspire to be rescued like so. I mean, everyone has heroes and role models. For me, I look up to Ann Curry and Christiane Amanpour. For Alexa, she could very well look up to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Or Madame Cleo!



    So I'll spare additional details regarding Alexa's whore life. And to wrap up this story, my friend politely declined and went about her merry way to the unemployment lineup. But to put all hooker jokes aside, we've all at one time or another, condemned others based on our judgement and preconceived beliefs. But when it's an honest day's work, who really has the right to judge you for what you do? You have lawyers and authorities (not all, but some) doing some of the dirtiest, filthiest work possible that could make Alexa seem like Mother Theresa in comparison.

    Desperate times indeed calls for desperate measures. It's always perspective that gives me hope and faith in life. The past half year has been nothing short of a tumultuous whirlwind, and some patches have felt only slightly higher than rock bottom. But despite all the crap thrown at me, I always had a piano to turn to if I needed make a quick dollar. And stories like this is a reminder that other less fortunate girls wouldn't have that talent to sell to make the same buck.

Tuesday, 05 May 2009

  • eat pray love

    "People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you can't let this one go. It's over - his purpose was to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You're like a dog at the dump, baby - you're just lickin' at an empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not careful, that can's gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it."

    - Elizabeth Gilbert

Sunday, 03 May 2009

  • Dinner for one, table for two

    There's a rather domestic side to me that lays somewhat dormant most of the time. When I'm not planning crazy travels, obsessing over my career or frolicking in the nature, I like to bake. And cook. It's therapeutic and I do it for myself. There's nothing like the sense of fulfillment you get after making food from scratch!

    Honestly, this is my mother's fault for drilling domestication into me from day one. She's always told me I could be the biggest career woman I wanted to be, but if I couldn't run a kitchen or work a sewing machine? Then I wouldn't be a "real" woman. I loathe this way of thinking and it's definitely up to debate, so I'll save it for another time. But I'm digressing and unfortunately, I DID succumb to mother's warped way of prehistoric Asian thinking! D'oh.

    So if I was given the choice between hitting up a random restaurant or staying in for my home cooking? I'd definitely choose the latter just because I don't get to exercise my own creativity enough. Don't get me wrong - I love eating out. But my own food is not all bad.

    Plus the Vancouver skyline as a backdrop is pretty dope.

    If you were/are a friend/acquaintance of mine and you came over for dinner, cracked open a bottle of wine, had dessert on top of my grub - does this constitute as a date? I've been asking people and 95% of them are all saying YES.

    Actually my friend Lisa said it best, "um, don't you normally know the answers to these types of things?!"

    I guess not if I'm inviting friends over for dinner and they think I love them! How embarrassing. And confusing. After a while I'm like, wait a minute ... this was NOT what dinner's supposed to be about!!

    To my defense, it's been a while since I was taken out on a proper "date". You know, where the boy texts/calls you and expresses real live interest. Comes over and picks you up at your front door, opens the car door and other heavy objects for you, takes you to some sort of event/venue where conversation ensues and sparks either fly or not, then the anticipation of them calling afterwards, the ongoing debate on whether they like you and vice versa, etc etc. Where the heck was I when it changed to: girl cooks dinner, boy comes over to eat, boy tries to cop a feel?? The next time I invite people for dinner, I'm going to have to include a disclaimer: I am *NOT* D-T-F!

    And to think I haven't bothered much with the dating scene lately simply because I didn't envision myself settling down with a husband in the immediate future. But it turns out I'm going to have to keep up with the times to avoid being socially inept. Strike one for smiley!


    i <3 cake!

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

  • Vancouver the hockey town in all its glory


    Taken just hours after the Canucks cleaned out St. Louis tonight.

    Vancouver is a hockey city. Insane, mad, crazy-in-love-with-hockey Canadians that live and breath the sport. It's heart-breaking that we've never won the Cup. The closest was the finals back in '94 and the entire city rioted. It was only Round 1 tonight and things were already nuts. The amount of heart and passion we invest in our team is amazing. Fans wear their loyalty like a badge of armour, even to the point where they hate on each other for "bandwagon" jumping. Just to prove who's the more loyal Canuck, ya know?

    I was never a "fan" but I knew my hockey once upon a time. It's more of a bittersweet sentiment now with my hockey reporting days behind me. Media scrums in the change rooms, interviewing hockey players one-on-one, sitting in the press box the entire season. I was hooked like a drug. Nothing could make me more amped towards a career in sports journalism!

    And then one day I went to Cambodia and saw the world for what it really was. And then I had these crazy ideas in my head about "making a difference". I know. What the heck was I thinking? Five years later and here I am. A tiny bit wiser, but a whole lot more jaded.

    It's ok. It'll take me a while longer but I'll get back on my feet. Wouldn't say it's too late to kick the can just yet. After all, Hazel Mae didn't get her break until her 30's, I think.

  • Visit girl_smileyy's Xanga Site
    • Name: smiley
    • Country: Canada
    • State: British Columbia
    • Metro: Vancouver
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 12/30/2005

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